A Heavy Heart & A Pocket Full of Matches

There are a lot of ways I could write what I have to say.
I could be my usual "funny-doesn't-let-things-get-to-her" self.
I could be a complete wreck.
I could be a real witch and rip some people a new one.
I could be insightful and positive.
And it's hard to choose which version of myself I want to be when I write this
because these days my life is a little mixed up.
And I'm a little confused.

You see,

after a year and a half of dating and a year and a half of friendship before that

Keegan and I are broken up.

I know that deep down I made the right choice.

But it doesn't make the pain any less real.

I know in my heart that I'm only eighteen.

But it doesn't take away the tears.

He's my first love.

The first guy I kissed.

The person I ran to with all my problems, big or small.

The person I wanted to share everything with.

In ending our relationship, I lost my best friend as well.

And that really, really hurts. 

I know one day, I'm going to be happy.

As is he.

It just hurts to know that we won't be happy together.

But on the other side of that coin,
he and two others hurt me in ways I didn't know were possible.
And part of me wants to strike a match on
all the memories that I have left and walk out of this situation with my head held high
 knowing that I am a better person because of how I handled myself.

Then there's a darker (slightly more dramatic) part of me that wants
to hurt him and the other two the way I hurt.
To take all their stability and rip it out from under them the way that they did me.
To publicly harass them and to privately destroy what happiness they have left.
And maybe pull a Carrie Underwood and key a few cars while I am at it.

But deep down, I know that I'm better than all of it.
I am strong because I won't let any of it take away my values and beliefs.
I am better off because I finally had the strength to do what I thought I couldn't.
I am kind because I chose to try forgive and support the two who hurt me.
I am going to be just fine
and no one is going to take that away from me.

As for now, I'm planning to enjoy my summer and live my life on my own terms.

Apparently I shouldn't do drugs

Well this past Friday I lost a little bit of wisdom

Three teeth to be exact.

And while I can't really remember anything that happened the day of 

my surgery I did find all sorts of evidence on my phone.

Apparently, my mom thought it would be ok to leave me 

all hopped up on drugs in the car alone with an iPhone.

Which led to many pictures that look like this 

Fortunately, I only instagrammed this one.

The rest are stored safely on my phone to be deleted once they stop being funny.

I also made my mom touch my face at least 6 times

 to see if my chin felt as funny to her as it did to me.

It would seem that it did not.

Then on a trip to the hardware store for my mom to buy supplies for fixing our shower

I walked around Lowes laughing like a 12 year old at the word "caulk".

My maturity amazes me these days.

Anyways, my surgery was successful and I'm back to eating normal foods again.

It's a little upsetting. 

I was quite enjoying my diet of Easy Mac and Wendy's chocolate frostys.

{Maybe I'll keep it going and just settle for being 200 pounds.}

My face has returned to it's normal size and I'm off the pain pills.

It probably won't make the word "caulk" any less funny though.

(I'm giggling as I write this, in case you're wondering)

I hope you all had lovely Memorial days filled with as much ice cream as mine was.

Until tomorrow love bugs. 

I don't think I have enough projects

Project, project, project.

Study.

Letter.

Project.

project.

Project.

Welcome to my life chickadees.

It's a wonderful place to be these days.

It's finals week and somehow I still have projects.

I think I definitely chose the least time consuming major.

It's not like I enjoyed spending my time doing things other than projects.

I was really looking for a way to spice up my life.

I think I found it.
In projects that is.

But the thing is, I love these stinkin projects.

And the headaches, stress, and tears that come with them.

(There are lots of tears..)

I wouldn't trade what I'm doing for anything else. 

I love interior design.

But some days I wish my life was a simple as studying out of a book.

That's pretty straight forward.

Oh, well.

Time to maybe study some for my final

that I will be taking at 7:30 on a Saturday morning.

Optimum test taking time if you ask me. 

But here's something to look forward to.

One week from today I'll be sleeping in my own bed.

All my projects will be done.

And I'll finally have time for this lil blog again.

Until then, off to do more projects.

Woohoo.

Sweet summertime

Today was my last day of two of my classes.

My official last day is next Tuesday.

Then one week of finals.

And I can move on home.

I'm sort of bittersweet about this. 

I mean on one hand, I can't wait to be home and out of school

for three months.

But on the other, I can't believe how fast my life is moving.

I feel like some days I'd like a moment to stop and catch my breath.

This year has certainly had its ups and downs.

Sometimes it felt like more downs than ups.

But then I think about all the great moments I had.

My life will forever be changed because of the people I 

have met, the things I have accomplished.

If I've learned anything from this year, it's that 

if nothing else, life keeps moving.

Whether you're ready or not, it's coming.

Honestly, it makes me a little sad knowing that my freshman year is already over.

I can't even imagine whats coming around the bend for me.

I just pray that from here things continue looking up.

I think I've had my fair share of heartbreak this year.

Hopefully this summer, that can all be put in the past.

And I can come back to Lubbock in the fall as happy as I was

when I started last September.

For now, I'm just going to choose to focus on the good that happened today.

I got bonus points in my class.

I played with the most adorable puppies.

The lady at the check out gave me my drink for free. 

And later I'm celebrating one of my best friends 19th birthdays.

Happy Thursday friends.

Family time in LBK

Hello everyone.

I've missed writing these past few days.

I've been having some really crazy thoughts

that I thought would make for a really great post,

but life got in the way of me finding the time to writing them down.

Whoops.

I hate it when life does that.

Anyways,

as y'all know my family was here this past weekend.

Originally, my cousin had a volleyball tournament.

But then it worked out that Mom's weekend for ADPi

was also last weekend.

Sometimes timing is just too perfect.

So everyone came.

I showed them campus.

I showed them our ADPi Lodge.

We watched my cousin kick some butt at volleyball.

Her team took silver.

It was pretty cool to watch her play.

She's really great.

{Future Red Raider volleyball?}

Then we had Italian food in a barn.

It was delish.

And I mean really really delicious.

I really loved having them here this weekend.

I wish we could've taken a whole family picture for me to post.

Oh well. Guess it'll have to wait till next time. 

I can't wait for Colorado this summer when we will all be back together.

Have a happy Tuesday everyone.