Emotion Overload in 3, 2, 1...

Hello lovelies. 

This summer's been a hard one. 

In more ways than people may imagine.

I mean there are obvious things.

Things I've already blogged about.

But then there are things I think some people forget about.

Or maybe wouldn't think to consider.

{Not that a ton of people are really sitting around

thinking about how my summer is going}

But what I'm trying to say is.

I feel like a grown up.

And I think it's because this past year I did grow up.

A lot. 

I think the majority of it has to do with where I chose to go to school.

I'm a proud student at Texas Tech.

{again, old picture, I am now 20 pounds lighter and I have way less hair}

I love my school.

And I would never want to be anywhere else.

But here's the catch, every single one of my close high school friends,

are at the same college.

Living in the same town.

They see each other pretty much everyday.

So for them moving home wasn't a big deal.

Nothing really changes for them being here, rather than at school. 

But for me, I feel a little left behind.

I have been out of their "group" for the past year.

I haven't been a part of their jokes.

I haven't gotten to spend time with them.

I sort of feel like my "place" is gone. 

You know what I'm talking about?

Those people who you consider your best friends and how you just mesh with them.

Well, I'm kind of missing that. 

I was one of the only people that chose my own path.

I took a huge step out of my comfort zone.

And it's definitely paid off.

But it also has it's downfalls.

And then there's the loss of my first love.

While I've seen the positives in this situation, it doesn't just stop hurting.

It doesn't just disappear.

We are attempting to be friends.

But I'm not going to lie, it's hard.

Especially considering the reasons behind our split. 

But, he was my best friend in the world.

And on a daily basis, I have to stop myself from sending him all my thoughts through text.

And it's awkward.

Neither of us know how to act.

Do we just keep on being best friends?

Do we start over and try and get to know each other?

Where do we stand?

I really don't think these are questions that anyone can answer.

Even the two of us. 

On top of all of trying to cope with pain and trying to find my place

with my high school friends, I've been taking summer school classes.

I only have two days left, but it's taken away a huge portion of my summer.

And I mean a huge portion.

Then tack on my babysitting/nannying gig.

3 or more days a week.

5 children.

Ages 1 week, 2, 4, 5, 7.

It's a lot.

But they're little angels.

And they teach me so much. 

However, it's very tiring and it's very time consuming.

While I love them, it does add stress into my life. 

Sorry to dump all my emotions into one post.

I figured it's best to get it all out at once. 

I'll try my hardest to make tomorrows a little more light-hearted.